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Sunday, November 1, 2009

The "Forgotten" Holiday

***DISCLAIMER*** For anyone who knows me, you should know that Christmas is my most favorite holiday EVER. This blog is not intended in ANY way shape or form to bash people that love Christmas OR Halloween (cause then I would be bashing myself and there's no fun in that). It is simply something that God laid on my heart to do/think about a couple days ago that I want to follow through with. ******

I have noticed that for many it seems that Thanksgiving has become the "forgotten" holiday. It is merely some day stuck about halfway in-between Halloween and Christmas that we set aside to eat more than we should and watch football games on the big screen. Now, don't get me wrong, for many of us Thanksgiving goes well beyond that. I am simply stating that I believe Thanksgiving has become the proverbial middle child stuck between two siblings that are rather doted on. I think Thanksgiving has gotten a bad rap.

I have been spending the last couple of days pondering this thought and have been trying to think of something I could do to make Thanksgiving more special for me. Nothing too drastic, cause frankly I do not have the time or the energy to add too much more to my plate right now. I wanted to find something simple that I knew I could keep up with and not feel too much of a burden with.

So, I have decided that I want to create a "Giving Thanks List." I'm going to write something down every day (and share it as my facebook status) from today (November 1) through Thanksgiving Day that I am thankful for. I want to be intentional this month to think about all that God has blessed me with.

Will you join me? Can you take 1-2 minutes a day for the next 26 days to intentionally think of and write down something for which you are grateful?? What an exciting prospect to be constantly reminded of all that God has done for us!! Can you imagine how quickly this could spread and how much of a statement it could make to the world how grateful we are for all the things our Heavenly Father has done/given to us?!?

I am excited to see what God will reveal to me this month as I focus on thinking of the good things in my life instead of all the obstacles that cross my path daily. May your November be very full and may God remind you of all the numerous gifts He has and will continue to bestow upon you and yours in the weeks to come.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Short Update

So, this summer has flown by!! Oh my word, I can't believe that it is already September!!! We are doing fine over here. Nathan started preschool a couple weeks ago and seems to be liking it better every week. We have also gone more hardcore on the potty training! NO MORE PULL-UPS!!! We have officially moved onto big boy underwear. I cannot say that it has been without incident, but he is learning more every day about not going in his pants, and going in the potty. My big boy. I can't believe he is already 3 years old!?! My goodness the time has flown...

We have been doing some rearranging of things in our house, especially in the basement. I found a steal of a new desk for Fraser at Goodwill and that started the whole thing. Craigslist has been a good friend the past few weeks and we have made some decent money and (more importantly!!) cleared out some clutter to get more space. It will be so nice to have more space to hang out in this winter when we get cabin fever.

I am still working on losing some weight, and took too much of a hiatus from that this summer. I plan to get back on track very soon.

I think that is it for now. I just wanted to do a brief update and get back into the swing of blogging again.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Done In

Have you ever had one of those days where you feel like you have nothing left to give? I've been having one of those weeks.

We have had company in town since last Thursday and I am so worn down I don't even know if I will be able to get a jump start to get going again!!

My "diet" and exercise program have gone completely out the window this week and it is KILLING me!!! I feel horrible. We have been eating crap all week and I can tell that I am just not feeling like myself because of it. I guess the good part of that statement is that it means my body was liking eating better and I have done enough to know now when I am eating like crap.

I managed to get up a couple times at the beginning of the week, but after a few late nights and some interrupted sleep, that got put on hold, too. Ugh!!!

For those who do not know, I am an Introvert. I need space. I need solace. I CRAVE time alone. That has not happened AT ALL this week and I am suffering because of it. I even went so far today as to lock the bathroom door for 3 minutes so my son couldn't come in trying to talk to me. I am DESPERATE for a break and the chance for things to get back to "normal."

The hard thing is that I know our guest has needed the break and the chance to come and spend time with us away from his "normal" right now. He has had some rough breaks this year and we extended the invitation for him to come earlier than his proposed trip in the Fall. I keep having to remind myself that God is using this break to minister to him and that we are part of that. I keep having to tell myself to out my needs aside to be useful and helpful for a short time. But, to be totally honest, it's been really hard. And, I am ready to have my house back.

For those who are following my journey, I gained .8 pounds this week, which I find to be an accomplishment given the crap we have eaten this week. Our guest will be leaving on Monday night, so this week I WILL get back to it!!

If you feel so inclined, I'd love some prayers for strength to get through this final stretch and to not "kill" anyone in this house in the process!! lol

Otherwise, I will be in touch soon with better results!!

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Gotta Keep Going

This past week was a bit of a challenge for me. I’m extremely frustrated that this is such a difficult challenge for me (weight). I wish I could just snap my fingers and be the size/weight/shape that I need to be and have it be done. Unfortunately, it is not that simple (darnit!!). I am one of the "lucky" millions in this country who struggle with food and weight.

So, back to this past week. I am still managing to get up early in the morning to go workout, but it hasn’t been easy. The good thing is that I have been able to go every day, and I have to say that has been nice. It’s also nice not to have to worry about my workout being cut short for a diaper change!! Lol

My body is feeling stronger and I feel like my clothes are starting to be a bit loose, which is really nice. My husband also told me earlier this week that he thought I was looking smaller, which is so encouraging!!

The negative for this week, was that I was not very consistent in the food department. So, I think that I am going to join an online food diary to get more accountability in that area. I need to have more discipline in watching everything that I eat. Not for an eternity, but for a time I need to get much more conscious of what I am eating because I could do with a lot less crap and a lot more healthy alternatives.

I did not lose weight this week, I merely maintained. But considering all that has been going on this week, I do not feel too badly about this.

We will still have company all week, so hopefully it will not be too difficult to stick with the food intake this week!!

Check in soon…

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Week 2 Overview

Hey guys,
So, this is going to be a pretty short update, because we're already in to the 3rd week.

Week 2 went pretty well (until the weekend!!). We were busy doing lots of things and I did not have time to be as watchful of what I was eating.

I am still getting up during the week at 5:15 to go work out before Fraser leaves for work. It was really hard last week because I am so tired. But, I am learning that it makes me feel so much better to get up and get some good exercise in to start my day.

I did weigh in on Saturday and lost another pound!! Praise the Lord!

I hope to continue the downward trend and resist the overwhelming urge I have at times to just quit this whole thing. But, I know I can't do that so I just keeping plugging away one day at a time.

Thanks for your continued support/encouragement/accountability. You are helping me to push through this slump and I really appreciate it.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Ups and Downs

So, I have made it through my first week and let me tell you it was not easy!! I’m not even sure where to begin…so I will just start with walking through the week, I guess.

Monday I started out strong. I got up at 5:15 to go workout at the gym, which turned out to be a good thing because Nathan ended up not feeling well this week and I would have previously used that as an excuse to not go and workout. Not so, this time around! I also managed to go for a walk to the park with Nathan in the afternoon AND in the evening. I also was good about tracking my food and watching what I was eating. Monday was a good day.

Tuesday also started out with an early morning workout. Can’t really remember too much else from it (truthfully), but I remember it was a good day, overall.

Wednesday started out good, but the evening was where things started to go a bit downhill. Fraser was gone for the evening and I was soooo tired from all the early mornings. I got a pizza. But, I ate much less than I normally would have.

After the evening pizza, my eating kind of went downhill. We went to see a movie on Thursday and had some food afterwards.

So, all in all it was a week full of ups and downs. I started using my new juicer (happy b-day me!), which has been lots of fun…and Nathan loves the juice, too! Woo hoo!!!

I did brave a weigh-in on Saturday morning and I lost 3 pounds, which was a fantastic surprise. God is gracious, despite my numerous shortcomings.

So, this next week, I will continue to workout regularly. But, I need to step it up in the food department.

Gotta keep it up!!

Saturday, May 2, 2009

My Line in the Sand

OK folks, so here it is… I have been talking about needing/wanting to lose weight for, well, forever. And, I am now officially sick and tired of putting it off and coming up with every excuse under the sun as to why I cannot get this excess weight off. So, I am officially drawing my line in the sand. Done. Stepping over it…and I will NOT look back.

I have figured out that one of my biggest struggles in this area is that I do not have enough accountability to keep me on-board with what I need to do. So, here is where I would like to ask for your help. I need to know that there are people out there who love me that will be able to keep up/read up on my progress.

I want to start sending out a weekly “report card” that will track my progress. I need to have the accountability to know at least one person will read it and know what I have been doing that week to lose weight.

This will be a work in progress as I decide how/what I will write in these reports, so it might be a little “kinky” (lol) for a few weeks. For now, my plan is to track what I eat. I don’t know how yet (I’m looking into a couple suggestions I’ve gotten from friends), but I plan to have some kind of food diary to keep track of my food intake. I probably will not share everything that I eat every week in my reports as I think it will be WAY too much information that most people won’t care to read weekly. I think I will probably just write a bit as to how I felt about what I ate during the week. If that does not prove to be enough accountability to keep me on the straight and narrow, then I will write in more detail about my food intake.

Another part of what I want to write in my “progress reports” is about my exercise regimen. I know that I need to greatly increase my exercise regimen and I will write about what I have been doing for exercise during the week.

In short, I need to know that I can have some built-in accountability and support when I write these weekly progress reports. I would welcome feedback, so long as it is done/written with love. I don’t want any haters right now, please. I do enough hatin’ on myself in this area of my life, so I do not need to have that right now as I am trying to get into better habits and lifestyle changes.

I will post these reports on my blog and will also post a link to my blog on facebook (for those who do not have a blog). I appreciate your time and support and look forward to creating an accountability group to help support me as I work on becoming more healthy!!

God Bless!!

Liz <><

Friday, March 20, 2009

She's my hero

There is a lady that I have seen a couple times recently at my gym who is rocking my socks off. The first time I saw her was a couple weeks ago...

I was on the elliptical machine feeling sorry for myself and struggling to find the motivation to finish the time I had left. Then, I saw her walk by me out of the corner of my eye. Well, actually, she did not walk...she wheeled past. Yes, she is in a wheelchair. Needless to say, I was taken aback to see that. She proceeded to wheel over to a machine that works your arms. I watched as she tried several times to get her lifeless legs onto the bench to be able to use the machine. I looked to see if she needed help, but she seemed determined to do it herself. And she did. She did not quit. She did not give up. She just wheeled herself around and adjusted the height of the bench and did what it took to get where she wanted to be.

She's my hero.

Needless to say, I felt like a total shmuck feeling sorry for myself for being tired on the elliptical machine. HELLO!!! Um, yeah, I have legs...that work...what the FREAK am I complaining about. If I hadn't been paged for a dirty diaper at that moment I would have finished the machine with gusto and no more complaints. I will tell you, though...after I changed the diaper i went back to working out. I might normally have just called it a day and left. but I chose not to. Instead, I went on to the stationary bike and made up the time difference and continued on with the rest of my workout.

She's my hero.

I've seen her since, and it has invigorated me to continue in my desire to get more active, lose weight and persevere through the rough patches. I thank God for the motivation he brought me with her. I esteem her for overcoming the obstacles in her life and being a motivator for me. I need to get back to the gym...although the forecast for today is amazing, so I might just make it a park-workout instead!!! Just so long as I get off my fat butt and MOVE!!

I hate dreams...well, nightmares really

So, I was woken up this morning at 5:15am from an incredibly disturbing image in a dream. And I have not been able to go back to sleep. I hate that. Not only do I hate the fact that I am downstairs blogging instead of upstairs sleeping. I also hate the image that keeps circling in my head that I cannot get rid of. Creepy, freaking stinking pictures that are seared on my brain...for now at least. I'm sure these images will fade with time...and distractions. But, for now I cannot seem to shake them or the creepy feeling and adrenaline rush i got from being to violently and suddenly woken up.

The irritating thing is that this seems to happen to me so regularly. If I could just turn off my brain at night to be guaranteed a peaceful and complete night of sleep, I'd do it in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, I do not seem to be so lucky. Sometimes, I am able to think hard enough about something else that i can distract myself from the image/dream and get back to sleep. Not today it would seem.

Even now as I am writing this I keep seeing it in my mind’s eye. So frustrating. I just want to go back to sleep, you know? In peace. Nothing to worry about. Nothing to keep me from my bed and the rest I so desperately need.

It’s not like I don’t already have enough on my mind, just with life things. I definitely do not need to have disturbing dreams to detract from my rest, too.

So, now I am going to listen to some worship music. That sometimes help to re-center me and distract me enough to get back to sleep. If not, I might just need to nap this afternoon!!

In the meantime, I think I might post some more blogs…

On a total sidenote...I sis get to see Spring's official start at 5:45am...I think I'd rather be sleeping, thank you!!!

Monday, March 9, 2009

The Path to Healing

I had a physical therapy appointment tonight for my back. I hurt it a couple years ago lifting Nathan into the car and is has been bothering me ever since. When I had my annual physical in November, I mentioned it (again) to my doctor and he sent me to PT to get it taken care of. I went for a few weeks before the holidays and it seemed to be helping. Well, life got in the way (namely, the holidays and travel) and I have only just gotten back into it.

Unfortunately, the reason I am back is because in the past 3-4 weeks my back has started to REALLY hurt me a lot. I will literally have to lie down on the floor sometimes to get the muscles in my back to stop spasming and going numb. Nothing short of not using the muscle will help (at times). So, during my appointment, my therapist asked me what brought me back and I did my best to explain how my back was worse than when I last saw him. Then he asked why I had taken so long to come back and I came up with excuses and then (finally) told him that I had been raised with a "suck it up" attitude about pain and physical weakness., so I had been trying to do just that. Unsuccessfully. So I told him I was back to actually fix the issue instead of just "dealing" with it.

I have actually been thinking a lot lately about how much all of the pain we go through physically resembles our spiritual/emotional pain as well. For example, I can remember exactly where I was and what I was doing when I tore/hurt the muscle in my back. Similarly, we all have specific instances in which we are emotionally or spiritually injured that cause us an immense amount of pain. The initial occurance is very jarring and you will remember it for a long time if the pain is intense enough.

Well, I knew my back was hurt but I thought (hoped) that it would just heal itself so I could move on with my life. I was uncomfortable for a few weeks and then it did seem to mildly recover and get a bit better (or so I thought). Spiritally, we can do the same thing. We try to recover from the wound that was given to us and just "move on" with our lives.

After the initial shock and pain of those first few weeks, I got really good at not using that muscle in my back. And if I did agitate the "wound" I would quickly stop/adjust what I was doing so I could continue to hope/think that everything was ok. I also conveniently forgot the times that I couldn't stop the pain and it would make me cry. I would forget the times I had to stop carrying Nathan around or be unable to lift/do things because it hurt too much.

Having gotten a degree in counseling, I cannot tell you the number of people I have spent time with who have done the same thing with a spiritual/emotional wound in their lives. The daughter whose father wounded her verbally about her body and now she eats to cover the pain she feels in her soul. The student whose teacher told them they were stupid and they choose not to study for the test because "what's the point?" The son who was told that they will never live up to their parents' expectations or their older brother's perfection, so they drop out of school and work at a fast food joint.

Some might call these self-fulfilling prophecies. You get what you ask for, and all that. I've also heard people complain that we have a choice of how we respond and that we don't have to listen to them or something like that. I disagree and I think saying things like that can do more damage than good. There will be the occasional person who really doesn't care what others think, but most of us do care. A lot. Especially if the wound/words come from someone who is close to us.

So, after living in "blissful" denial of the true extent of my injury, I finally decided that enough was enough and I needed to get it looked at. So, here I am...in physical therapy. And, guess what? I really think it is going to help. Now, I also think that there are going to be some days when it is going to hurt pretty bad still, even during the therapy. For instance, at the end of my session, my thereapist told me that I will be sore from what we did tonight. Now, normally I would get a little upset about feeling "worse" after getting help, but not tonight. I know that what he is helping me do is to heal my injured muscle and strengthen my back to help prevent further injuries. Great! Bring it on.

Guess what. It is the same with God. He wants to heal us from past injuries. He wants us to come to him when we are tired of living in pain and trying to "fix" ourselves unsuccessfully. He knows that there might be times when the healing will cause more pain initially. Old wounds being reopened can be really painful. But in order for him to be able to do the truly deep healing he has to do for most of us, he needs to get into the core of the wound. To get at the root of the pain. Like when you have a splinter. What you really want to do is to leave it alone and hope it gets out on it's own. Generally, it won't. In fact, from what I understand, it can go deeper, get into your bloodstream and wreak havoc on you body. So, too can emotional/spiritual wounds.

God needs to be able to get to the very deepest part of our pain to clean it out and apply his salve of life to it. I won't lie. It can hurt, and I have experienced some seriously deep healing of my own that did hurt. However, getting to the other side of the wound and into the healing grace of our Father is nothing short of miraculous.

So, as I prepare to do my exercises and follow the advice of my physical therapist I cannot help but wonder if there is more healing that God has in store for me in the weeks/months to come (physically and spiritually). My heart tells me there is, and I stand her in nervous anticipation of what God has in store for me...and for anyone else who is willing to take the first step towards their own healing.

Moms need playdates, too!!

So, I just got back from a really fun-filled morning with a fellow MOPS mom and her two kiddos. We have been wanting to get together for a while and finally decided to set something "in stone" for this Monday morning and it was great!!

We got over there a bit late, because Nathan sometimes wants to have epic battles-of-the-will over going potty (in a timely, non-dawdling, let's do it in less than 25 minutes this time because we get really distracted with any and everything) and other things too like getting ready to go out (shoes, sweater, etc.). So, we get over there and I apologized for being late, which she said was fine cause it gave her more time to get herself organized and to finish the food she was cooking (which was delicious, btw). I LOVE hanging out with other moms of young children- for that reason alone. They totally understand being late for things and don't generally care too much and it is such a relief to not have to feel really guilty about it. Whew!!

So, we get in the house and Nathan is, understandably, a little unsure of what to do or what is going on because we have never been over here before and so he spends a few minutes just checking things out. Lisa has 2 children: Noah is a couple years older than Nathan and Rachel is a little more than a year younger than Nathan. So, we are all introduced and Nathan starts checking things out while Noah starts telling me all about his favorite thing right now which is Star Wars-very cool indeed!!

We get the kids settled down for a little snack and try to go into the other room for some grown-up time...ha!!! Yeah, don't kids always have different plans than us?! Needless to say, the separation of moms and tots was not extremely successful, even though they have a playroom in the basement that is stocked with toys and a to-die-for fun room!!! Nathan was not having it to be away from me for long, so we had to do our best to keep them entertained while also getting in some much-needed mom-talk.

Lisa showed me her juicer and also told me about her plans for a garden and her worm-composter. So cool!! I definitely want to get a juicer for myself to get some more yummy healthiness into my growing child! I was also told about hanging tomato plants and how they are much better for avoiding bugs and such...I will definitely have to check into this. It's so great to find someone around here that shares my love of gardening and plants and I look forward to learning a lot of cool stuff from her about it!

Oh, we also made some chocolate-covered strawberries while we were hanging out...um, total yum!! I consider the morning a COMPLETE success for that alone!!

I did tell her that Nathan will get better about being off without me around if we keep going over there regularly, so hopefully that will continue to happen!! I really think it could be a learning experience for him on how to share and also how to be gentle with the younger baby and not to be so rough all the time...all very good things to teach a young boy!!

So, all in all a very fun morning for us and I just wanted to say thanks Lisa for inviting us over to your lovely home and letting us share a fun-filled morning with you and your kids. I look forward to many more playdates (and we can bring the kids along if we have to!!). See you at MOPS soon...

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Aggravating Neighbor

One of my big frustrations with where we currently live is that it is a town home complex. This means that we have a lot of neighbors really close to us. Not always a bad thing, but at times it can be extremely frustrating. For instance, this afternoon I got Nathan down to sleep and then put him in his bed where he was dozing off quite comfortably...only to come downstairs (to tidy up) and have the neighbor behind us start banging on his porch with a freaking hammer!!! Really Loudly! Arrrggghhh!!!!! Whattya know, I hear Nathan moaning upstairs not 5 seconds later and boom his nap is over. And he NEEDS a nap, especially today. We had a long and busy morning and he needs to have his sleep to be able to recover properly. I've learned this with him. He can survive without one, but it is NOT a pretty picture AT ALL. He is not one of these kids who can take it or leave it. No nap means a crab at night who screams and cry's and yells about everything. Why? Because he's TIRED!!! So to have spent extra effort on assuring a good nap today only to have it so loudly and abruptly ended is really really really aggravating!!! Now, not only do I not get a break this afternoon from the land of toddlerville. I also do not get to tidy up my mess of a house and then I have to brace myself for a potentially REALLY long and frustrating evening trying to keep him calm and not have him overwhelm us too much with his bad attitude. Urksome indeed!!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

A Turn For The...Better?

So, I had quite a bit of drama tonight. Things were just chugging along as usual. Fraser was in the basement chatting with some programmers to find answers to some questions he had about his software. Nathan and I were going to watch some of his favorite movie (Cars) before putting him down for the night. I was getting ready to look through the grocery store circulars to figure out what was on sale to buy for the week. I had Nathan go potty and then I was going to clean that up. Well, we had run out of Clorox wipes on the main level, so I ran upstairs to get some. I never made it back down...well, in one piece I mean...

Stairs, darkness, toys...twist, pop, down for the count. Need I say more?! I stepped off of the top step onto the landing, and twisted my ankle on a toy which rolled right out from under me and took my ankle with it. Um, OUCH!!!!! I fell into the wall and ended up on the landing, in shock and reeling from the sudden onset of pain emanating from my now-throbbing ankle. Again, OUCH!! So, I rocked back and forth for a minute, crying and praying. Then, I tried to stand on it. That did not work very well at all, so I crawled over to our phone in the bedroom and tried to page Fraser in the basement, twice, unsuccessfully. So, I crawled back over to the stairs and scooted down them on my butt, got a confused look from Nathan who then went right back to his movie and then I crawled over to the top of the basement stairs. I called to Fraser, interrupting his phone call and I told him that I needed him. He got off the phone and came right up. I cried/told him what had happened and he called to see if we could get someone to watch Nathan while we got it checked out. No such luck, so we hopped (literally, for me) into the car and went to the Urgent Care center down the road.

We got there and I got into a wheelchair and went into the center. Fraser parked the car and brought Nathan in while I was filling out paperwork (as if I can think coherently or write clearly for shaking from the shock!!-but whatever it takes to get seen). They took me back and got my vitals/history, all the while my ankle is throbbing and I am having to focus on the words spoken to me and not the pain. The doc finally came in and gave me a quick exam. He didn't think it was broken, cause I could move it mostly without pain. We got x-rays just in case and he said there were no fractures he could see. Great news, doc...praise the Lord!! I had been sitting in there wondering what the heck I was going to do if I had to get a cast or something for taking care of Nathan...

So, they wrapped it up, he gave me a prescription and (unceremoniously, if I do say so myself) sent me on my way. When I got to the waiting area it turned out the Granny Jean had made it (thank you so much!!) so we had an extra set of hands to help with Nathan (poor kid seemed so confused). He made me cry when I got wheeled back to the room by myself (without him) and he had the saddest expression ever on his poor little face, wondering why he couldn't go with mommy. But, daddy was there to play with him and explain what was going on so he was alright. He got to sit in my lap while they wheeled me back out to our car, and seemed very content to do that, and happy to have me back (which is always a nice feeling).

So, we got home and Fraser got him ready for bed. He came down to me on the couch for his goodnight songs (You Are My Sunshine and Jesus Loves Me-which he sings to and it is absoultely ADORABLE!!). I said goodnight, gave him his kiss and sent him off the bed with Dad, who then came down the stairs and I immediately asked for some drugs from him. Jean stayed for a bit and we chatted, then she made us kick her out so she could go home!! ;)

And now here I am, ankle propped up on a makeshift pillow, drugs taking a very small amount of pain away wondering at how such a small instant of time can create such turmoil. You know, for me it goes back to how lucky (and grateful) I am to have my relatively good health. I mean, I have my ups and downs, just like everybody. But overall, I am in a good place for being able to take care of myself and my family with relative ease. It just makes me so grateful for all the God has blessed me with, including a body that has taken very good care of me over the years.

This is just another affirmation to me that I need to return the favor. I need to start treating my body with more respect and help it to heal/work better by paying more attention to what I put in it/take out of it. I know there are gong to be things that happen that are out of my control, like tonight, but it is a good reminder to be more intentional about how I treat my body. I am responsible for me. I cannot rely on anyone else to make the day-to-day decisions for me and that thought is very sobering to me. There is no one to blame, but myself. There is also no one to succeed, but me!

So, for now I am off to try and get some rest and begin the recovery process. Of course it had to be my right ankle, so I will be housebound for a while. Hopefully not too long, but as long as it feels like it does right now...driving ain't gonna happen for me!!

I just need to find the balance between nursing my ankle back to health/caring for my son/not taking it too easy and making more of a mess than there really should be. Fraser has already arranged to take tomorrow off to help me get my prescription, ankle brace and to help take care of Nathan. I am so grateful to him for that. I don't know how I would manage otherwise.

I would appreciate any prayers you might direct my way for healing, wisdom, strength and patience to get through the next few days/weeks.

Thanks, and good night!!

Monday, March 2, 2009

Worn Out

Well, so far today has been a pretty good day. It started too early for my liking, but such it is with a 2-yr old in the house!! I got Nate up and we had breakfast. He tried cereal again, which is his new favorite thing to try and eat. He spilled his milk all over himself, so we had to get a new outfit (before 8am). But, I would say it was overall a very successful breakfast.

Then, it was time to go to the gym. I was excited to try out the new running shoes I purchased on Saturday. We finally made it to the gym and I actually was able to run on the treadmill for about 10 minutes. For those who are runners, I know this is nothing...but it was quite a feat for me and I am proud of myself!! I was also pretty happy with my new shoes. I had to adjust the laces to make them looser to feel better on the sides of me feet, but they should stretch well enough in the weeks to come. They have much better soles than my previous shoes and also arch support, which I have been missing. Anyways, total tangent.

The next item on our agenda was to go over to Granny's to trim back her rosebushes. And by trim, I mean cut them down from about 6 feet to about 1 foot, trying to avoid as many thorns as possible. That took a while, and it took a lot of energy too. But, three down and more to go...but not today!!

Now, we are back home and I am sitting on my couch totally exhausted. So much for working out giving me more energy for the day. Of course, that could also be my thyroid kicking up. I wish the pill they gave me had not made me feel like I was on crack, cause I really could do with the energy boost it gave me.

Afternoons are probably the hardest part of the day for me to stay focused on eating healthily and not just eating to get a (false) energy boost. I literally cannot fathom having to come up with the energy to get through 7 more hours of living before being able to go to bed. And it's not just today. I did exert a lot of energy today, so I understand it more than other days. It's like I lose all resolve somewhere between 2 and 4pm. Out the door it goes...sometimes not to come back for the rest of the day (or week at times, if we're being honest here).

So what's to be done about this? Well, for one, I know I need to start being more intentional about having healthier snacks at my fingertips, so the other temptations around the house are not as prominent. I also need to find something to engage me, without overtaxing me during the afternoon lull. Some days I actually have the energy to clean or something, which is really helpful in distracting me from food. But, most days as soon as I put Nathan down for his nap, I am dead to the world until I have to go get him. Is this normal? I don't know. But I do think I need to get in touch with my Endocrinologist to find out a few things from her. The last time my hormone levels were tested, they were normal. I wonder if that would still hold true today. I have also had some conversations with some women who have convinced me that I need to have my adrenal glands checked out, especially since I already have the antibodies issue with my thyroid. I understand that sometimes thyroid issues can be a symptom of a deeper issue, namely something with your adrenal glands. Guess I'll have to ask her if she thinks I should look into this further.

Is it too much to say that at 30 I feel like my body is falling apart at times? Now, don't get me wrong, I really do not have what I consider to be major health issues, except for my energy level issues, some of which I know will get better if I can lose some weight. Yet, how do I find the extra energy I will need to exercise more, if what I do already wears me out so much? Such a conundrum, and a frustration.

Well, for now I am going to sign off and take a few more minutes of a break before I go get my non-napping son who will be testy for the rest of the day because he is really tired and should have rested!! I wish I had to take a nap every day. Maybe Spain knows what they are doing with the whole idea of a siesta...too bad it would never work in this over-worked, uber-busy country.

Sorry for the rant, that's just how I feel right now and had to share...

Sunday, March 1, 2009

My Husband Rocks!!

So, I have to brag on my husband for a minute. He is completely brilliant!! Fraser is learning how to write code to work on iPhone apps someday. He has been helping a fellow coder who has been trying to find a bug in some code for hours...and he found it tonight!! He is totally amazing and I cannot even say how proud I am of him!!! God has unbelievably blessed him in his capacity to understand anything technological and I am so grateful for that. His passion is still in leading worship (which is absolutely Spirit-led), but I believe firmly that his technological capacity is his tent-making provision for his family and God is blessing us tremendously in this.

I am so completely amazed at how much God blesses me beyond what I deserve or even feel I should have. This probably goes towards my self-derision...of which I will touch on in future blogs. For tonight, I just want to praise my Father for the man he brought into my life that is a perfect match for me and also an amazing provider for me and our son. Thanks so much, Love!!

On another totally random note...I am listening to the song "I Will Rise" by Chris Tomlin. I LOVE this song...and I have to share one reason why. The first time I really listened to this song, I was working out at the gym. In the part of the song where it goes "And I Hear the Voice of Many Angels Sing, Worthy is the Lamb..." God gave me a vision of a legion of angels singing over Denver. No joke. I nearly fell off the elliptical machine, and it completely took my breathe away. What an amazing God we serve!! He is worthy of every song we sing and I am excited about hte plans He has for me, my family and our city (which reminds me of another great Tomlin song..."God of This City")!!

Here I Am

So, I have finally decided that it is time I start a blog. I need a place to be able to "chat" and thought I would try this on for size. In the days to come, I hope to find this a place I can freely write about what I am thinking and about some specific things that I need to work on in my life (hopefully with some support from others).

For now, I will start with a little "talk" about the sermon this morning. Pastor Rob talked out of Acts 2-4 this morning at it was really encouraging. For those who don't know, we are part of a church plant and it was really neat to hear him talk about his vision for what he wants from our church. Not the same-old stuff, which I found really exciting. I ran into a girl I had a couple classes with at the seminary several years ago and it was really neat to re-connect with her. Don't you just love God-connections like that?! The biggest excitement for me from this morning though was the chance we might have of renting some office space to have a place to meet during the week to have MOPS meetings or Bible Studies. How much I hope that happens!! I am in desperate need of some good Godly fellowship with other women who are in the middle of life and struggling through it like I am. I need REAL women around me. People I can tell about my bad days and not get judged for having them (or more-to-the-point for talking about them). Anyways, I really hope I am able to find that soon, cause I really need it.

Speaking of struggling, I had some nasty stuff going on in my head this weekend. I went shopping on Saturday, and let's just say that I am my own worst enemy. Talk about depressing...I HATE shopping for new clothes right now. Total disaster and a minefield in my mind and heart. I am not very nice to me and boy do I get blasted from the enemy for it!! But I am determined to actually do something about it this time around, instead of just wallowing in self-pity. Hence, one of the reasons I have really decided to start this blog. I need accountability and a place to vent. So, in the weeks to come I hope to be able to ask for support and also for some help getting myself back in shape and losing some serious weight off this body!! My temple is is serious need of some repair and it is about time that I rise to the task and work on it.

Thanks for "listening"!!

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About Me

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I am married to an amazing man, who is also the love of my life. We have three kids who constantly keep me on my toes! God has richly blessed me and I am grateful for all He does for me.