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Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Anticipation

I am sitting here at my desk trying not to obsess on when.

What does that mean, you might ask? Well, let me give you a couple hints...

-I am almost 37 weeks pregnant.
-My first child was born the first day of week 36.

We have done much better this time around with getting ready before the baby is here. Our son was four weeks early and we were not prepared for him to be here that quickly. So, this time around, I set a soft "deadline" of 36 weeks to get things taken care of, just in case. Maybe that is one of the reasons why it feels like things are dragging more this time around.

I know another reason I am sitting here in such eager anticipation of "the big day" is that I wanted for so very long to have another child. For reasons I may never know this side of heaven, God chose to not let us conceive this precious little one in the time I thought it would happen. He made me wait a long time for this pregnancy. In fact, I was seriously starting to doubt that I would ever have another child and that was devastating. (I will likely write more on my struggle with infertility at a later time)

Praise God for miracles!! I truly absolutely believe with all of my heart and soul that this pregnancy is a miracle. Now, I will confess that at times (especially in the first trimester when I was beyond sick) I have wondered what I was thinking wanting this again, but I have never looked back and I am so excited to see all that God has in store for this precious girl.

We finally got around to registering at the hospital last night. They gave us a tour of the labor and delivery wing as well as the post-delivery wing. As we were walking around being told where things were and what the process was going to be when we come in, it really hit me that this is going to be happening soon!

We're going to be having a baby soon. I can hardly believe it. To be so close to the very thing you have prayed for for years. Yes, YEARS. I am sitting here a bit stunned and definitely overwhelmed by the grace of our loving Father. He heard my heart's cry and chose in His infinite love to grant my request!! Praise Him!!!

I am very excited for my little Nathan becoming a big brother. I have already been amazed at the brother heart God is growing inside him and she's not even here yet. He is so eager to share things with her and have her here. Just last night we were watching a movie together (family movie night) and he scooted over on the couch and patted the spot next to him and said that was where his sister would sit when she got here. I mean, if that doesn't melt your heart, I don't know what would!

Nathan has been one of the hardest parts for me of struggling with infertility. I have four siblings and I love how close we are and that I had so many playmates/friends growing up. I have seen my son lonely a lot over the years and it has just broken my heart. I cannot wait for him to have a playmate/friend here to play with and love on. It's been so fun to hear him talking about the things they are going to do together once she is here and I truly hope they do every single one of them.

I have to confess there are things I am nervous about (LABOR!!) in this time of anticipation, but I know every single moment will be so worth it when she finally decides to make her debut. I know there will also be the realities of things like sleep deprivation to contend with in the weeks to come, but I am determined to do my best to maintain an attitude of thanks throughout it all.

Anticipation is a good thing, I think. It helps us remember that there are things in this life we have to work and wait for. So, in the time I still need to wait, I plan to do my best not to obsess! Easier said than done, perhaps, but I will give it my best go!!

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I am married to an amazing man, who is also the love of my life. We have three kids who constantly keep me on my toes! God has richly blessed me and I am grateful for all He does for me.